Being a creative person can be a blessing and a curse. The blessing is obvious. You get to tangibly manifest a piece of your soul. The curse is that when you are not creating, or when you can’t create, it can almost drive you mad.
I was having that problem last week. Then I finally managed to squeeze out a blog post that I thought was total crap, just for the sake of getting something out. To my surprise I actually got positive responses from it- mostly from women participating in the 40 days of writing project.
The 40 days of writing came to me at just the right time and has been the answer to a lot of my prayers.
For the past few years I have struggled to find a [healthy] community where I really felt like I belonged. I have also struggled to find [more] healthy female connections.
At the same time I was also struggling to develop myself as a Writer- a Writer who could actually have a career as A Writer. I started a blog, as the first step to writing publicly, but also struggled to gain momentum with that.
The tangled knot of all of these struggles finally began to unfurl when the 40 days of writing project appeared before me. It was the kick in the ass I needed to get my blog going. It gave me a community that I feel very connected to. And within that community there are a few females that I especially feel connected to, despite the fact that we’ve never even met.
I was feeling really down on myself after my last blog piece. So I went on a walk. When I came home and saw the positive responses I received, it lifted me up in such a special way. It wasn’t about the praise. It was about the kind and loving support -and the connection. I felt cradled by this community. And it really moved me.
What added to it was the fact that one of the fellow participants in this project experienced a major milestone. She had one of her pieces published on elephantjournal.com. Her first published piece. I was so excited for this woman I’ve never met. I was excited because I know what that means, as a writer. And I was not the only one. I watched this community, again, show their support for this exciting moment in this woman’s life, and this time it moved me to tears.
I’m a very intuitive person. There have been moments in my life when I have known, in a deep and profound way that there was a deeper meaning to what was happening and who was appearing in my life. Really I believe that there is always a deeper meaning, but there are moments when the deeper meaning is clearly some sort of key puzzle piece that will later lend itself to the bigger picture of my life. And every time I’ve experienced that intuitive knowing it’s proved itself to be true (sometimes years later). This is one of those moments.
I never know what the meaning is when I feel it. But right now I feel, deep down inside, that this experience will make the bigger picture make so much more sense. It could be simply that it got me blogging more regularly after spinning my wheels for quite some time. It could be a new community or new friends. Or it could be something that hasn’t occurred yet. I don’t know. I really have no idea what will come of this and I may not know for a while, but I really feel that somehow this moment, this community, this experience is a key piece to something bigger in my life. And I feel so incredibly grateful, excited, curious and honored.