Eat, Pray, What The Fuck

I had a pretty powerful epiphany a few weeks ago. I wrote a little about it in one of my previous posts, but I want to write a little more about it, because it’s pretty profound for me and it’s been slowly and gradually sinking in.

It has to do with my belief in “God”, or, my preferred term, The Universe. I realized that my belief system, which I’ve always had a long explanation for, can be summed up in one word: TRUTH.

Truth is all that is. Truth is the undeniable and the absolute. The oneness of all things. The Ultimate IS. (In fact that would be a pretty cool alternative to the word God- the great and powerful IS). And isn’t that description pretty much how people describe God?

The truth is the truth, whether you believe it or not. In short- Truth is my religion.

When you live in ultimate Truth, integrity, and authenticity, you are tapping into the flow of The Universe, the Ultimate IS. You are existing on a different plane. And that is how manifestation works- when you are aligned with the Truth, all other things that are true, all other beings that live in Truth are in the same flow as you. People look at manifestation like it’s some kind of magic super power or something. It’s just about tapping into the right vein.

So, yes, Truth is my religion. Truth is the god that I pray to.

I’ve been having fun playing around with interchanging the words. So, instead of saying “ask God/The Universe for answers or guidance, saying “ask the Truth for answers or guidance.” Even in just the reframing of that statement the answers become more apparent. Where is the Truth in the scenario? What is the Truth in the scenario?

This is what I do anyway, but it’s taking it to a whole new level. And what better place to start practicing that new level of truth-seeking than here in Bali?

So let’s talk about my Truth…

It would be a lie to say that Eat, Pray, Love had nothing to do with me wanting to come to Bali. It would also be a lie to say that it was The reason I wanted to come to Bali. The only influence it had on me deciding to come here was simply that Liz Gilbert described a beautiful place, and it sounded very appealing to visit.

I’m not going to deny that Eat, Pray, Love is without question one of my two all-time favorite books. There are many, many people who love that book and have many connections to it for many reasons. For me, it wasn’t simply Liz’s candor, or saying the things that I felt, letting me know that I wasn’t alone in this world, that made me love that book. What really did it for me were the prolific and profound synchronicities I experienced while reading it (and in the movie!).

I was going through a very similar rock-bottom, soul searching, turn-my-life-around, tragedy-to-triumph experience when that book came to me. I was even learning meditation at the time, while reading about her learning meditation. I didn’t plan that, I was already in the process when I started the book. I would struggle with the challenges of learning meditation, then I would give up and pick up that book as a distraction, and there Richard From Texas would be, explaining to Liz the solution to the very challenge I was having. It felt like the Universe was communicating directly to me directly through that book. I was even reading that book one day while sitting next to Ryan Murphy, who would then go on to write and direct the movie. Seriously.

Anyway, in case I didn’t already make it clear- I by no means had any intention of trying to recreate Liz’s experience. For one, I couldn’t no matter hard I might try. Her experience was hers. It doesn’t belong to me. I have my own experience to create. But also, to be honest, I just did not want to be that girl. Y’know, the one who tries to get closer to the artist by retracing their footsteps. I did not come here to try to get closer to her or to that story. I’m already as close as I can be to that story, and I have no desire to make it anything more than it is. I’ve also had the pleasure of meeting Liz in person and interacting with her on Facebook. And she is just as lovely as she comes across in her writing. I feel no need and have no desire to get any closer to any of it.

I am here to get closer to Me. To experience myself and my life in new ways, and to find a new kind of Truth, whatever that may look like.

I’m here at my homestay, still very much getting my bearings. As I said in my last post there was a mix up, and I got my first night in a nicer room than the one I originally booked. I was moved to my correct room yesterday, and that first, nicer room was, well, nice. This room does nothing for me. It’s not bad at all, it’s just not anything else either. And, to be honest, it’s a little overpriced for what it is. Plus, there are no other people staying here and a lot of construction going on all around. I want to start meeting people! And I’m only booked here until tomorrow, so either way it’s time to find a new place.

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The view from my balcony

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The most exciting part of this place

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My first sunset in Bali!

The thing is, I’m doing this trip on a budget. Everything is really cheap here. But I’ve been going for even cheaper. I’m trying to stretch my dollar the furthest I can. I only booked my first four days here because I wasn’t sure if I would even want to stay in the same area once I got here. I was originally thinking about renting an apartment, but I just wanted to wait and see. Now that I’m here, and now that I experienced the nicer room, I’m thinking about what a gift to myself the trip is, for all of the years of hard work I’ve poured into Me, for all of the loving things I’ve done for others, for being brave… it’s time for me to give myself the most rich and fulfilling experience I possibly can. Plus, there’s that whole saying “YES” thing.

So, although I want to stretch my dollar as far as I can, you know what else I want? A pool. And that’s the truth. I didn’t come all the way to the opposite side of the world just to continue thinking about what I wish I was experiencing. This trip is to finally start experiencing the things I’ve wished for.

I hopped on airBnB and started looking for places with a pool. The thing is- I am finding super nice places that would easily be a couple hundred dollars a night in the states, for $20-$25 a night here. Now, even as a gift to myself, I can’t be spending $25 a night for my entire stay here. $25 dollars seems like nothing, but after six weeks that really adds up. But I’m open to maybe a couple nights here and there. That’s fair.

So, in my search, I find this beautiful, incredible, spectacular, absolutely heavenly looking place- with a pool, for $26 a night. My heart is a’flutter with every photo. I read the description… and wouldn’t you know it. It is the house (compound really) belonging to the famous (and recently deceased) medicine man, Ketut Liyer, from Eat, Pray, Love. Are you fucking kidding me? I did not plan this. I did not seek it out. It found me. I was drawn to it before I knew the truth about it. How can I say no? Especially with the whole “YES” thing. Of course there are very few dates available there, but there happens to be a couple of nights open next month during a Writer’s Festival that will be taking place in the area. Hmm, symbolic much?

When I really check in with myself on this, and listen to my Truth, everything in my being is already saying YES. I just need my mind to catch up. Or maybe a more truthful thing to say is I need my mind to get of the way so I can do this!

My therapist will be so proud of me!

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